婚礼前我真希望自己知道这些事

1. No one cares how skinny you.are except you.

1. 除了自己，没有人在乎你瘦不瘦。

Exactly zero people at your wedding are looking at how flat your stomach is or the way the back of your arms jiggle when you hold your arm up in front of a mirror and try to jiggle it. You're going to look into the eyes of the love of your life and pledge your undying devotion to that person until the end of time. And then you'll drink. Guests, likewise, are too busy basking in your love and your bomb ass dress and thinking about their next drink to notice if you did 10 extra planks in the past six weeks.

当你站在镜前抬高手臂，并试图摇掉赘肉时，你要知道婚礼当天，根本不会有人注意你的小腹是否平坦或你的胳膊是否有赘肉摇晃。你会看向一生挚爱的双眼，向他承诺你对他的爱至死不渝。然后你们就开始喝酒了。同样的，客人会专注于你们的爱情、你美美的婚纱，想着他们的下一杯酒，根本就注意不到你在过去的六周多做了10个平板撑。

2. Your facial?

2. 美容？

Literally no one is noticing whether or not you got one and whether or not you maintained it before the wedding. Before I got married I got a facial. The woman doing the facial stuck electrodes onto my face, which allegedly de-puffed it. Even I didn't notice whether or not my face was less puffy. "Don't drink or eat salty foods or you'll puff back up," she warned me. I don't know what she thought week-before wedding prep was like, because I felt like I was on a pirate ship with nothing to do but ho ho ho with a bottle of rum (replace rum with "tequila" and "Champagne"). So again, get a facial if you're feeling fancy, or don't get a facial if you're feeling fancy. No one is going to notice! Including you.

说实话，没有人会注意你是否在婚礼前做了美容。结婚前，我就做了次美容。帮我美容的美容师在我的脸上放了电极，据说是用来放气的。甚至连我自己都看不出来我的脸是不是没那么浮肿了。"不要喝酒，也不要吃太咸的东西，不然你的脸会继续变肿的，"她警告我。我觉得她根本就不清楚婚礼前一周的准备是怎样的，因为我感觉自己就像在海盗船上一样，除了拿着朗姆酒（将朗姆酒换成"龙舌兰"或"香槟"）喊吼吼吼外，我无事可做。如果你喜欢，那就做个美容好了；如果不喜欢，那就不做好了。反正没人会注意到的！甚至连你自己都看不出来。

3. DON'T CHECK THE WEATHER.

3. 不要查看天气。

Some of my darkest moments as a human female came while I was checking the weather the five days before my wedding. I was crying and looking at Pinterest alone in my bed. I'm not proud of this, but this is the kind of anxiety the American wedding industrial complex instills in the modern bride. The night before my wedding, it rained sideways. We had already said no to our contingency rain plan, because the forecast said all clear at the time. I could think of nothing in those hours but drinking forbidden alcohol, eating forbidden Cape Cod potato chips, and drinking Champagne. The day of the wedding, the clouds parted and we had beautiful, perfect weather.

作为女性，当我在婚礼前五天查看天气时，最黑暗的时刻到来了。我当时坐在床上，一个人看着Pinterest大哭。我并不以此事为傲，但美国婚纱业群体就是要让现代新娘感受到这种焦虑。婚礼前一夜，雨下的超大。因为天气预报都是好天，所以我们已经否定了如果下雨该如何的计划。在那段时间里，除了喝禁酒、吃不能吃的Cape Cod薯片和喝香槟外，我啥事也想不出。婚礼当天，乌云散去，那天的天气晴朗、完美。